Twenty days ago, I received an attunement to reiki. I have one day left of my twenty-one day cleanse – something that has affected me mentally, physically, and spiritually. I can feel a guided presence, stronger than I have ever felt. I feel protected, safe, yet also worn down. I have been stripped of every past person that I have been. I have felt these personalities, and feelings, all come to the surface, and I have watched as they have all been released. And I have noticed a lot of what I still need to let go of.
In this world, so many of us hide who we truly are for fear of what may happen. We fear that we will be shunned from society, that people will talk about us, or laugh at us. But what is really so scary about all of that? I have realized that I no longer crave to fit in somewhere that I do not belong. Those people who do not understand me, or believe that I am weird, are not my people. And I am okay with that.
The people that I do let into my world, will be those that understand me. They may not believe the same things as me, but they do not judge, or laugh, or put me down for it. So far, no one has done any of these things (to my face), but my fear of the possibility has kept me stuck for far too long. I hide a lot of the pain that I have felt, along with the pure bliss that I have learned to tap into. I hide the guidance that I receive daily, for fear that some would deem me insane.
As I type this, I am sitting at La Jolla Cove, in front of beautiful scenery, where some only dream of going, yet this is my home. An hour ago I climbed down the cove, and sat among the seals watching the waves crash into the rocks. I noticed one smaller seal, sitting far from the rest, seemingly calm and sunbathing. I watched him for some time before I walked over for a photo. While taking my photo, I noticed his breathing was heavy. He hadn’t moved since I had been there and I realized that he seemed hurt.
Immediately, I stuck my hands by my side and sent him reiki, hiding it from any onlookers. Within a minute, the seal opened his eyes slightly. He laid back, rolled over, and then literally fell off the rock. I watched him struggle, all the while continuing to give him reiki. He slowly made his way across the rocks towards the water – I imagine to climb inside. Others came over, realizing he was hurt after his fall. I moved to another side of the rocks, away from people, and continued to send out reiki until I was guided to stop.
And I realized something once again – I believe in what I am doing. I have physically seen things that others would deem unimaginable. I have physically felt things, and been on the verge of death, only to come back to life stronger and more confident than ever, with newfound gifts. Whether or not others believe in what I am doing has no matter anymore. I am the only one who must believe in myself and the work that I am doing. Without my own inner support, how could I ever expect any support from others.