My name is Katie,
and the person that I am today is a far cry from the one I once was.
I grew up in a family full of secrets – one where abuse was everywhere, yet no one spoke of it. I was raised to keep quiet, in order to keep those around me comfortable, and not create waves within the family.
My life has been one filled with abuse – both sexual and emotional –
at the hands of the very same people that were supposed to love me.
When we cannot trust the ones who are tied by blood to love us – who can we trust? And also, how could we ever love ourselves when these same people did not love us? These are questions that took me years to answer, or to even acknowledge at all.
There was a time that I had no one – mostly because I pushed everyone that began to care for me away. I can honestly say that people terrified me for a long time. I suffered from panic attacks and anxiety as a teenager and was diagnosed with everything from major depressive disorder to post traumatic stress disorder to bipolar disorder. None of these labels stuck – and with each visit to a new psychiatrist, I was given a new diagnosis.
And so, after years of searching for an answer, I decided to diagnose myself.
I began to focus on the mind, behavior, and what was really going on at the root of it all. I understood the mind from a psychology point of view, majoring in and studying the field for years, but I wanted to understand the spiritual side. Up until this point, I had believed in no Higher Power, and often cursed the thought wondering why a decent person like myself would be “punished” with such a negative existence. I began to recognize my triggers, and take back control over my mind, and with it – my life.
As I took back my power, things began to change all around me.
I left the unhealthy relationship I had felt stuck in for years, lost over forty pounds, and began creating a new way of being in the world. Eventually, I also quit the job I once had no hope of leaving, met the love of my life, and married him creating my own photography business in the process. To put it in simpler terms, I began to follow my dreams – one small step at a time.
These changes did not come all at once, but over time while I focused on living in the moment and the importance of my thoughts and the state of my inner world.
I realized that I did not need medicine, or even a diagnosis to find a cure for what I believed so strongly to be wrong with me. I simply needed to recognize what I had pushed down for so long, and work on healing the child inside of me that had lived in such unhealthy conditions for years.
We are all capable of great change in our lives – but first,
we must begin with changing our minds.