Accepting others can be difficult for many. But this secret is one that was given to me by someone who has had an amazing impact on my life, Diane Edwards CMH. I owe so much of who I am today to our many hypnotherapy sessions over the years.
Since the age of 16, I’ve seen Diane on and off.
I am sure we have had close to 100 sessions by now, or maybe even more!
Diane has guided me, and molded me into the person that I am today.
And I could not be more grateful.
Because of her, I have overcome so much hurt,
and now have another tool to avoid being hurt altogether using this secret.
We Cannot Change Others
One of the greatest obstacles to finding happiness in our lives,
is blaming the actions of others for our feelings.
We believe that if “they” did or did not do this, then we would feel better, or be better off.
If they behaved the way we felt we needed, we would be happier.
In other words, we place expectations on others.
And because of this, we are so often let down when these expectations aren’t met.
I spent a lot of my life blaming what others had done to me for my upsetting life.
Yes, people wronged me in big ways, and I went through trauma,
but these same people also added to my life,
and allowed me the opportunity for growth.
Until recently, I didn’t see this.
I also didn’t realize something else, something big:
Some people are a lot like lemons.
They are not good, and they are not bad –
they are simply not always what we need at that particular moment,
even if they’re readily available.
The story Diane quoted from someone she once knew went something like this:
‘A woman has a lemon tree in her backyard.
She wakes up every morning looking for a fruit to eat.
There’s a fruit tree outside, so she picks a lemon.
The woman sits down, cuts the lemon, and takes a bite.
The lemon is sour, and not at all what she wants for breakfast.
So, she doesn’t finish eating the lemon.
The woman does this for a few more days.
She picks a lemon, tries it again,
and is once again not surprised that she does not enjoy the lemon for breakfast.
Finally, she chooses an orange to eat and is satisfied.’
You know that certain people in your life are the way they are.
They have been that way for years before, and will most likely remain the same.
So, when you are faced with these people,
who you perceive as letting you down time and time again,
or behaving in ways that are not what you feel you need;
remember – that they are only a lemon.
They have always been a lemon, and will most likely not turn into an orange.
We cannot expect people to give us what we need,
when they have never done it before.
Instead, we can realize that our expectations are placed on the wrong fruit,
and that in order to get these needs met,
we can look for it in others, or even better – we can look for it within ourselves.
*Because of Diane Edwards, I am a HUGE advocate for therapy. There is no shame in looking for help outside of ourselves, and our immediate group of relationships. Often times, it takes seeing the bigger picture, from another’s eyes in order to better understand certain aspects of our lives. Although hypnotherapy may not be as mainstream, I highly recommend this form of counseling because of its ability to work through to the deeper issues behind behavior. You can refer to this article in order to learn more about Hypnotherapy, and what it truly is.*