You cannot know what you want, without experiencing that which you do not want. You cannot know your path, without traveling the wrong path. You cannot truly be who you are, without learning who you are not.
I have not always been a spiritual and metaphysical soul searcher. Up until the age of about twenty, I was extremely anti-God. I had a tough upbringing, and because of this I was among many that felt that no “God” would put someone through such a terrible existence. I focused on all of the hurt that I had felt growing up, and pushed away any semblance of anything that may have been working in my favor. In my mind, there was no God, no Spirit, and most definitely no Universe guiding me in the right direction. I was a mess, and believed that no all-knowing “thing” could possibly allow someone to suffer for no reason only to become a mess.
After many years, and many mistakes, I realized the purpose behind all of my suffering. The purpose for all of the pain I had experienced was not to break my heart – but to break it wide open. To allow the hurt and the pain to guide me towards empathy for others, and empathy in so many other aspects of life. Those of us who have experienced great pain can easily put ourselves into others’ shoes. We are more willing to help, and to teach, which is what this world needs most. The world needs more helpers, more healers, and more teachers.
If you feel that your life is a mess, that it always has been a mess, and that there is no purpose for it all – do not stop fighting. I can promise you with absolute certainty that you will eventually find your reason. Those of us who suffer, and have our hearts broken open, are tools on this planet. We are the ones put here to guide others suffering like ourselves – and in some way every human on this planet is suffering as we are. If you have gone through trauma (which I am quite sure we all have), consider yourself lucky.
You have shown enough strength to receive a lesson, and it is up to you to “pass” and continue moving forward. Once a valuable lesson is completed you can move onto to the next “level” and have the knowledge and tools to one day help others through the same thing. This knowledge will also serve to keep you from experiencing the same pain over again. But, if the lesson does not serve its purpose, and nothing is learned, it will repeat itself until the information clicks. You can either choose to allow this experience to keep you stuck, and block any chance of future growth or change, or you can look at the experience as a test. Pass the “test”, and you will move forward.
Change, and especially growth, can be so painful. But it is always rewarded. Those that stay strong and even a small amount faithful, are shown their purpose eventually. Unfortunately, answers are not always given when they are wanted. Like a mother hoping to allow their child to learn from their own mistakes, the Universe (or “God”, or “Spirit”) is allowing you the same opportunity. If we were given all of the answers at once, and did not have any opportunity to learn on our own, we would not learn much at all. Remember that next time you are going through a difficult experience. It is only a lesson, and you are being tested.
Stay strong, stay faithful, and the rewards will come.